Ukraine Adoption

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For the story of Tara's adoption from Ukraine, go to the archives at the bottom of the right column and start reading in February 2005. Little Tara was two years old when she left an orphanage with her new family. When she began kindergarten in the fall or 2008, we stopped our regular entries about her new life in America. Now it's her to story to tell.

But we can't resist posting some pictures every once in a while. In addition to the one above taken this spring, check out some new ones by clicking on the Adoptlove Photoset in the left column.

Here, we keep a running tally of blogs from families adopting in Ukraine so that others can follow along. For some of us, it's about reliving the adventure, the frustration, the miracle. For others, it's about hope for finding their children in Ukraine.

Watch for the most recent blogs at the bottom of this list.

The site that hosts the blogs in the right column, Blogrolling.com, has been down for a while and not accepting new posts. Hence this list. Enjoy

Kevin and Pam, Ukraine--11/08

The Higgins, Ukraine--11/08

Jill and Tyler, Ukraine--11/08

Louise and Ray, Ukraine--11/08

The Bergs, Ukraine--11/08

The Dudleys, Ukraine--11/08

The Campaus, Ukraine--11/08

Hrcahjkiws, Ukraine--11/08

Teresa and Jim, Ukraine--11/08

Millilo family, Ukraine--12/08

Viktor and Inna, Ukraine, 12/08

Nick & Nancy, Ukraine, 12/08

Paula and Michael, Ukraine, 01/09

The Haags, Ukraine, 01/09

The Epperlys, Ukraine, 01/09

The Mortons, Ukraine, 02/09

Moloneys, Ukraine, 02/09

The Turners, Ukraine, 02/09

Tucci's, Ukraine, 03/09

Dan & Colleen, Ukraine, 03/09

Dawn and Mark, Ukraine, 05/09

Marsha and Alan, Ukraine, 05/09

Ashley and Jason, Ukraine, 05/09

The Land Family, Ukraine, 07/09

First day and last time

Tara was dressed and ready for school before I could even get to her this morning. She is always so brave. Walking into the school, she clutched my hand tight while the older kids swirled around her. She has never gone to a school with such big kids, some as even as old as fifth-graders!

The kindergarteners lined up on the left next to the wall, and the parents anxiously chatted away while the children were mostly silent.

When it was our turn to bustle into the classroom, we dropped off our bag of supplies by the door and shuffled in the crowd to find Tara's cubby. There, we carefully hung her backpack. I asked her to pose for a picture in front of her cubby; her flowered hair band pushed her bangs off of her face.It was then that I realized how big she looked to me. Suddenly.

Her new classmates were gathering on the rug as parents took pictures and lingered much too long. The teacher, a smiling, patient woman who also taught Tara's big brother 7 years ago, finally asked parents, gently, to say goodbye to their children and leave. I called out to Tara one more time to get a photo of my little princess on her special day. She obliged with a smile. Thankfully she is still too young to be embarrassed by her parents. I walked to my car feeling a little choked up.

It's been more than 3 years since little Tara Vika left an orphanage in Ukraine and joined our family forever. A few weeks ago at her pre-school, she told me that her friends didn't know that she wasn't in my tummy as a baby. And she said, "They don't know, so I don't tell them."

I have decided to end the story here about the adoption that started in November 2003, spilled into 2004, and ended in April 2005.

I will leave this blog up for a while for us to read about other families that are adopting, especially in Ukraine.

Thank you to all who have followed our story, especially my Mom, sister Karen and cousin Sally. Your comments along the way have been so supportive and awesome, words cannot express our gratitude.

But now, this is Tara's story to tell. Or not. It is her life, it is her choice.

Kindergarten already?

Her pink flowered backpack is filled with required school supplies that anyone would envy: Play-doh, glue sticks, crayons, thick markers, tennis shoes for gym class. Our little Tara Vika is ready for her first day of kindergarten on Tuesday. But am I?

Sun, fun, eat, drink, sleep. Repeat

I think the title says it all. There's nothing quite like a beach vacation in North Carolina. The ocean is warm, the pool is refreshing, the food is delicious, the tiki bar is, well, let's just say they have a blender.

Only a few more days left, we're going to try to keep having fun.

(More pics in the photo set on the left)

At the beach

There's a tropical storm brewing nearby and we are getting just a taste of it occasionally, but otherwise thoroughly enjoying our oceanfront dwelling.
Our biggest decision in the morning: beach or pool?

I will try to post some pictures later.

Which way to the beach?

We are taking our annual beach vacation on the east coast of North Carolina, and really looking forward to just getting away for a week. I will try to post some pictures while we're there. Our puppy will be boarded, so we hope he'll be OK and won't regress in the house/potty training area...

Our neighbors will watch our kitty, as he wouldn't do well to be boarded. Let's hope he doesn't get angry at being abandoned by us and pee in my closet again. Sigh. At least I had a good excuse to buy some new things last year.

Screamfest

Tara has a habit of screaming, even when she's having fun with her brother or the pets. It's a piercing scream, the kind I could can and sell to horror movie producers. We are trying to break her of this behavior, as it can be disruptive and annoying. Plus, when will we know if she is seriously in trouble??

I grew up in a very quiet house, I don't remember any of us five kids screaming. Austin is a very quiet kid, so this is something we're not really used to even after 3 years of Tara!

Her screams can go from hysterical to laughter in a flash. Sometimes by the time I get into the room, she is laughing with tears still streaming down her cheeks. When I try to remove her from the situation, she gets angry. Sometimes I ignore it. Maybe she just wants attention. Or maybe she is just feeling small and that's her defense mechanism. It's hard to know. I put her in time-out yesterday after a long screech during a pillow fight with her brother. She was more mad at me than him.

If anyone has suggestions on how to deal with this, they would be most appreciated. Or maybe she will just grow out of it? I mean, she won't be screaming when she walks down the aisle to pick up her medical degree....will she? Oh, that would be me screaming. :-)

A first, more than 3 years later

Tara filled her Barbie backpack with rainbow pajamas, pink shorts, a pink shirt and her beloved stuffed dolphin and told me she was ready to go. She was excited to be spending the night last Saturday at Aunt Karen's house. I was excited for her, but I was also a little choked up. For this was to be the very first time since April 2005 when she came home from Ukraine that she and I would be apart for a night. More than three years.

Yes, it's true. I have avoided business trips and our vacations have all been with the family. So while she was ready for her first sleepover, I wasn't so sure I was ready to drop her off and drive away.

The overnight adventure was set up because Tara didn't want to go with us to a baseball game Sunday, and Aunt Karen has been wanting her to spend the night for quite some time. You see, they both love arts and crafts. Aunt Karen had a bunch of projects for them to do; Tara would be thrilled. I knew this.

So during the 30-minute drive in the rain to Aunt Karen's Saturday evening, I reminded Tara to be polite and say please and thank you and to tell Aunt Karen if she needed something. She had band-aids in her pocket and a few extra pair of undies in her bag. Finally, Tara said, "I'll be FINE, Mommy."

Indeed. When we arrived, Aunt Karen and cousin Caroline were there to greet her. Karen pulled out all kinds of artwork for them to work on and explained each project to a wide-eyed Tara. I hung around longer than I needed to, hovering, holding my keys. Finally I said good-bye but they hardly noticed that I was leaving.

At home, I felt a little guilty for enjoying the short-term sense of freedom that I suddenly had. I read a magazine, uninterrupted, and ate an entire candy bar. I had a conversation with Austin, uninterrupted. And John too.

At the baseball game on Sunday, I called to check on Tara. Did she sleep ok? Has she been behaving? Is she crying? Karen told me Tara slept good and was just fine. Does she want or need to talk to me? I asked. Some mumbling on the other end. No, she says she's going to eat lunch now, Karen told me. Oh OK.

We had a lot of fun at the game, and I have to admit, it was much easier without Tara getting bored and restless.

Hours later when I picked her up, Tara told me she had a lot of fun at Aunt Karen's house. Caroline got her McDonalds for lunch, they made chocolate chip cookies, Uncle Mike playfully flipped her around, a pile of artwork sat on the table.

It seems we both survived this milestone.

The Summer of 2008

Hanging out by the lake on an August afternoon.

Tara smiles

Today we found out Tara's kindergarten teacher and we're thrilled! She will have the same teacher that Austin had seven years ago. This is SO cool. This teacher keeps creatures in her classroom and she is very creative, nurturing and fun. Tara will really enjoy her year.

I like this picture, that's why I'm positing it. It's from her studio shots with my photographer friend Amy.

Tara-isms part XXVI

On the way to Grandma's house today, I interviewed Tara, who was busy in the back seat poking at our puppy in his carrier.

If the puppy could talk, what would he say? I asked her. "He'd say goo goo, ga ga." Is that it? "Yes, he's a baby, he can't talk yet." Somehow that makes sense.

What do you like about our new puppy? I asked. "Well, I'm glad he's a boy because he likes to play. Girls just sit around and don't do anything." OK...

If our cat could talk, what would he say to the dog? "Hey! Quit jumping on me!"

In the car, the puppy was panting a little. Tara said, "Why did we get the big-tongue one?"

She asked me when we are going on vacation. In three weeks, I told her. "Is that like, two days?" she asked. No, it's 21 days, I said. "Oh. So like, when I wake up tomorrow, will that be two days?"

Tara and her cousins

Tara loves her teenage girl cousins. She was hanging out with them last weekend. They painted her nails, taught her some songs she shouldn't be singing, made her laugh.
Caroline and Meagan, you're awesome!

The puppy

Introducing Salem, our new puppy.

Summertime

The puppy is a sweet little guy, Tara has been swimming a lot and Austin has really gotten into tennis. That's pretty much our summer so far.
As for John and me, we actually got out to a lobster fest/beach party on Saturday night and had a blast.

OK, photos of the puppy will be posted soon. As soon as we get a new camera...

The pup

Our new puppy seemed just as excited to see Austin and Tara as they were to see him. He is smaller than we thought he would be, which is cool because he and our cat are sort of nose-to-nose--for now. He is a yellow labrador and will grow to be about 60 pounds, we're told. His paws are really big! And he's awkward when climbing onto the porch.

I have to admit, not being a dog person, that little guy is real cute. And he has a nice temperament, not crazy and hyper. Neighbors gathered in front of our house yesterday evening and watched him sniff around in the grass and go from person to person, soaking up all the attention.

I think he slept through the night and woke up dry. Gosh it sounds like I'm talking about a baby. The boys in the house decided to name him Salem. It seems to fit. After running, jumping and playing, he passed out quickly for a three-hour nap. While he was sleeping, the cat poked through the cage at his ears. This could get interesting.

And so far, only one "accident" in the house, that I know of...

From chaos to crazy

Indeed. It is with mixed emotions that I say this: our house is about to change. We are getting a puppy this week. The kids are so thrilled they can barely stand it. John is reading books on how to train a dog and teach it to hunt, though I don't recall him ever hunting. I'm not a dog person. I like cats. But I have finally given in to the begging and pleading and the promises to do everything. We pick up our yellow labrador puppy on Wednesday.

The "crate" for sleeping is ready and planted smack dab in the family room next to the television. I'm told this is what you do with puppies at night, as they will cry and whine much of their first few nights. Something to look forward to. I am also told they chew. A lot. On everything. And they pee, a lot. Did I say I'm not a dog person?

Austin started this. It was his birthday a few weeks ago, and we were in the car and he looked at me with his puppy-brown eyes and said, "I only want one thing for my birthday. Just one thing." I figured it was a video game. "A puppy," he said. "I'll do everything for it." He's 13 so you figure maybe this is the year for some responsibility. How about a turtle?

John and the children have agreed to do all that needs to be done for a dog on a daily basis. And while y'all may be laughing, I'm really going to stick to my convictions that I will not take on the caregiver duties for a dog. I'm going to be sure they each have their own pooper scoopers. I think that Tara will be the most vigilant at that, actually. I may pat the puppy on the head, or maybe teach it to run with me outside, or maybe throw a ball around with it sometimes. Maybe I will grow to be more of a dog person. The little thing IS awfully cute...

Up to a point. And when I'm pointing at doggy-doo, somebody in my house better be running to pick it up. Wish us luck.

A natural?

So John signed Tara up for gymnastics classes this summer (yes, it's true) and the first one-hour class was Monday afternoon while I was at work. There were four girls in the class. John says he watched them do some stretches but then went off to work on his laptop.

When the class was over, the teacher chased John down to talk with him about Tara. She said she couldn't believe that Tara did not have previous gymnastics training. She couldn't believe that this was her first class ever. She said Tara has an incredible ability and that if she likes gymnastics, she will go very far. She told Tara that she might be doing gymnastics on TV someday (!) The teacher said she was from Romania where she competed and she knows talent when she sees it. She was almost apologetic that Tara was in the basic class for young, new students. She said Tara has the perfect body type and is a natural.

This cracks us up. So she is a natural in soccer AND gymnastics?

When asked what she liked best about the class, Tara said: "Jumping in the ball pit!"

Friends hanging out

This picture is from a trip to a kids' museum with Tara's dearest friend, Natalia. They were striking a pose in front of a wall that, after a flash, showed their shadows. Very cool stuff. They kind of look like they're posing for an album cover, don't they? My they grow up fast.

Swimming, sunning, baseball

It's been a busy summer so far, from baseball games to the pool, birthday parties to bike rides. I'm home with the kids this week for an old-fashioned summer break. We hope to play and relax on a whim, no schedules.

You may have noticed there aren't many new blogs of families in Ukraine to adopt. It seems the adoptions have slowed down. Each one is taking so much longer than it did just a few years ago. I would not be surprised if the painful process is scaring people from Ukraine, which is really a shame. But who can take 6 or 8-plus weeks off from work to live in Ukraine where the rules seem to change daily, depending on which orphanage you're dealing with? And which town you're adopting from? And whether the judge is having a good or bad day or week?

We admire the families who are still planning their trips to Ukraine and haven't given up on this process as they search for their children. More than ever, they need to be determined yet patient.

...a few more Tara-isms

Tara wants to grow, a lot, and fast. This morning she ran over to the measuring wall where we periodically mark her growth with a pencil. "Hurry up, Daddy!" Tara said. "Weigh me!"

Since joining the neighborhood pool two weeks ago, there are six words I hear on a daily basis: "Can we go to the pool?" It can be pouring rain. "It's ok, we'll have our towels," she says. Kind of makes sense.

Tara-isms Part XXV

--We were picking out a watermelon at the local market the other day when Tara noticed the really small ones for $1.99. "Let's get these," she said. I told her we should just get one big one for the whole family. She replied: "Let's get two small ones for Austin and me, and a bigger one for the humans."

--We bought Tara a new one-piece bathing suit on Saturday that she can leave at her summer day camp starting today. When she put it on Sunday to go to the pool with me, I noticed it was kind of small on her. "It's fine! It's fine!" she assured me. "Let's go!" So at the pool, Tara's friend came in with her daddy and they sat near us. We smiled and said hello. Then Tara declared loudly like a teenager: "MOM! Why did you buy me this suit?! It's too tight! What were you thinking??!!" Sigh.

Special week

Just this week:

Tara scored another goal at soccer on Monday after weaving in and out to kick the ball, blocking shots at the goal, chasing down the ball as though everyone else was standing still. She actually anticipated where the ball was going to go and ran to that spot. Her coach told me afterward: "You have something very special here. She's a real athlete." That was her last game of the spring season, I have already signed her up for fall.

Also: Tara decided Monday that she definitely no longer wanted the training wheels on her new bike so Austin took them off for her, and she promptly threw them in the garbage can. That was that. Today, she and Austin couldn't wait to show me that she can completely ride around the block, to the park, on gravel, pavement, dirt, wood chips, grass and down a curb, all without falling. She can start and stop by herself. She did not want to get off her bike. I'm not sure who is more tired today, Tara or Austin (!)

And finally, on Wednesday evening if the power has returned to her school, the classmates in the Raccoon Room will have their pre-school graduation ceremonies. UPDATE: No school Wednesday due to power outage; graduation rescheduled for June 18. They will sing songs that they have been practicing for weeks. Our big little girl is more than ready for kindergarten in the fall, according to her teachers. She has learned to play (and excel) at soccer and bike riding, so we know she is anxious to conquer kindergarten. Is the world ready for Tara Vika?

Fallen trees and a sad little girl

A sudden, crazy storm with mini-tornadoes ripped through our neighborhood yesterday. Our beloved maple tree in front of our house was ripped from the roots and knocked over onto our driveway---and John's car. Remarkably, the damage to his car was minimal: a handful of fist-size dents.

Tara and I had just left the house in my car, which was parked closer to the tree and would surely have been crushed if it was still there. We missed it by 10 minutes. Upon arriving home, Tara burst into tears, hysterical really, saying she loved that tree. Just hours earlier, she was trying to get our cat to come out of the tree. He was chasing a squirrel.

Down the street, a yellow-orange glare was flashing through the sky by an angry downed wire. Smoke filled the air. We lost power. Across the street in a backyard, three huge old trees fell down domino-style upon countless wires. They looked twisted and turned and dark like a jungle. The roots pulled out of the ground were taller than me; Austin's friend posed for a picture. The light rain was still falling, it was the only gentle thing of the night.

Late into the evening, people rode bikes through the neighborhood to survey the damage. Neighbors in shorts and wet hair gathered in the street to talk about where they were when the winds hit town. Children were riding their bikes and skate boards, trying to delay their bedtimes. I talked with some neighbors I haven't seen in ages. Destruction brings people together. We are thankful that no one in our area was hurt, though we have heard that six people died in our state's storms yesterday, mostly due to fallen trees and flooded streets.

Today brought sunshine and we can see even more clearly, our tree lying there like a tired old friend. Lots of phone calls to insurance companies and tree-cutters. Our homeowners insurance won't pay for tree removal, but auto insurance will pay to repair John's car. That's because the tree hit the car. If the car hit the tree, then insurance would have paid for tree removal. Go figure. That's America for you.

She kicks, she ....

...scores! Yes, Tara got her first ever goal last night at her soccer game. I was jumping up and down on the sidelines, just amazing! She was so thrilled.

Play by play: In the middle of the game, I told Tara to try to stop the other team from scoring because our players were just standing by our goal and watching the ball roll right in. So the very next play, the same thing happened and Tara looked at me, I was making a frowny face, she was mortified like she messed up. And then she teared up and the coach put his arm around her. Oh no! I didn't mean to make her feel bad!It wasn't her fault! I'm an awful spectator/soccer mom.

On her sideline break, I told her it's not her fault they scored. She wasn't even the goalie. I hugged her and sent her back in. She seemed OK. Whew.

Then the other team was taking the ball down the field again toward our goal, Tara sprinted past the whole mob of kids from both teams, got in front of the boy with the ball, put her foot on the ball to stop it, and then kicked it to the side and ran it all the way down the field, the mob of kids trailing but not able to catch up. We were screaming. Then she guided the ball toward the center and kicked it right in the goal!

A loud silence

My nearly 13 year old son wouldn't speak to me this morning, wouldn't even say good-bye, and my 5 year old daughter would only scream at me like I'm ruining her life because she can't find her shoes.

Am I doing everything wrong? Or right?

Austin is mad because I made him go to bed on time last night because he was really tired and crabby, plus I wouldn't help him with his homework because he waited until the last minute again and I had warned him about that.

Tara is crabby because she is getting smarter every day and demanding that her opinions count in all situations. She sat on her bed while I pulled shorts, pants, shirts, skirts, one by one, past the princess' scrutiny until I told her to figure out what she wants to wear and come downstairs afterward. "NO, WAAAAIT," she screamed.

When she was finally dressed and walked into the kitchen, she was wearing a blue skirt with white socks pulled all the way up her shins and pink Crocs/sandals. I gently suggested that she at least fold the socks down,( the 70s look is a bit old, ) and she wailed again that I hurt her feelings. Making her lunch a few minutes later, she studied each item with the same kind of scrutiny. "NO, I don't want THAT. And no not THAT." SIGH.

Meanwhile, as I'm dealing with an unreasonably teary Tara, Austin silently slipped on his coat and walked out the front door to catch the school bus. "Have a good day," I called out to him. He kept walking. But I noticed he was wearing one of the newly washed shirts I left out for him last night. So I guess maybe he doesn't totally hate me.

What are you looking at, Mommy?

Sometimes we forget to slow down and live in the present. We are too busy planning and scheduling our lives. It's been a long time since I had a "how cool is this" moment when I stop--and take everything in.

You watch your little girl change every day, but you change too.

Tara likes to pick up inchworms and find them a comfortable home on a small leaf. She catches toads and puts them in her little pink cage for a day, but then sets them free before nightfall. She cuts out little paper hearts without even folding them first. She takes off her shoes to run barefoot on the little stones at her Grandma's park. She lays on her tummy on the kitchen floor to watch the cat eat his can of food (he used to glance at her, now he is used to it).

Last week, Tara convinced me to take her for a ride on her new bike. Of course I was too busy to do this, but I went anyway. At the pond at the park where she fed crackers to the ducks, the sun setting on the water, the sounds of a boys' baseball game nearby, I felt myself exhale. There were a million things I should have been doing but suddenly I didn't care.

This little girl was showing me a glimpse of her world, where she takes everything in and lives each experience to the fullest. I think I was having one of those "how cool is this" moments. Tara turned back to look at me as I gazed at the water. Then she asked, "What are you looking at, Mommy?" Nothing, I said. And everything.

Tara-isms Part XX

--Tara was in the kitchen, peering into the refrigerator. Her brother Austin was in the family room, teasing her about something or other (who keeps track?) She leaned over to shout back to him: "Austin, stop saying that!.....HONESTLY!" (how grown up a 5-year-old sounds when she's using one of your words, tone and all.)

--Tara has a playdate today with her friend Ellie from school. Her friend's mom was to pick them up after school and take them to Ellie's house for a few hours. Last night at bedtime, an excited Tara ran through the timeline cycle with me. "Am I going to Ellie's today?" No, tomorrow honey, after school. "When I wake up?" Well, yes, but after school. "The next day?" No, tomorrow, not the next day. "Today then?" Deep sigh. It always seems like I'm more tired at her bedtime.

--She has a big case of "I didn't do it" this week. For instance, she was standing next to my tulips near a big tree, holding a few purple petals in her hand. Why did you pull on the tulip? I asked her. "I didn't do it."
I pointed out to her that she has at least one pair of shoes in every room of our house. "I didn't DO it," she proclaimed. Oh so those pink plastic Barbie play shoes walked in there by themselves? Well, you guessed it. She blamed the cat. Imagine that.

Tara and the tea party

It was quite the shindig: Tara was invited to a birthday party at a lovely tea house nearby. Little Hope was turning 5.

Well an afternoon tea means one must dress appropriately. Pink seemed to be the theme in our parlor, from fingernails to toenails and the shiny pink gloves, as Tara prepared for the celebration.

Upon arrival, visitors to the tea house were overwhelmed with fancy decor, right down to the fine china on the tables. The seven little girls in their Sunday best were greeted at the door with their very own "diamond" tiaras.

Delicate sandwiches and tiny crunchy cookies were served on flowered plates. Moms were shoo'd away and asked to return 2 hours later.

Tara says she had a lovely time, playing games and sipping something she thinks was tea but wasn't sure. She was crabby later so I know she had a great time. This means she is tired. :-)

Soccer part II

Tara was so giddy to see her dad and brother standing on the sidelines at her soccer game Monday that she she seemed to have extra energy on the field (is that possible?)

She was hopping, running, squealing, spinning. And that was during her 5-minute break.

Tara took the ball down the field at lightning speed (did so) right in front of us a few times, and I don't know who was more excited, her or her cheering family. What is it about watching our kids in sports that gets us all so pumped up?

PS: Thanks to my Mom for a lovely Mother's Day at her house on Sunday!

Mother's Day

A happy Mother's Day to all the moms who have children and to all the moms waiting for their children from faraway lands.

Don't give up.

Which way is up

In our state, and our state of mind, we suffer through the winters by staying indoors in the cold, dark evenings. Exercise is limited to walking in the wind, scraping the ice off our windshields, and driving in slow, slippery traffic.

But when the shade comes up for spring, that glorious season, we run around like crazy people trying to jam in as much fun and sun and outdoor activities as humanly possible all the way until Thanksgiving, if we're lucky. We work a whole year's worth into about 7 or 8 months.

Which brings me to today. After a full day at work, I will rush home to take Tara to her second-ever soccer practice and game at 6:30 p.m. How will she do after her stellar debut last week? Only time will tell.

Afterward, I will rush her home to a sitter, the girl next door whom Tara adores, and I will scurry off to Austin's baseball game that starts at 8 p.m. and is about a 35 minute drive from my house. That's right, a ballgame under the lights for a 13-year-old's baseball team.

And the crazy thing about all of this is: I'm looking forward to it. Bring on spring!

Run Tara Run

The sun was setting and the chill returned to the air. Moms and dads on the sidelines were bundled in winter coats and vests. I grabbed and hugged Tara one more time before sending her off to her first ever soccer game. "Remember to kick the ball that way!" I whispered in her ear. She nodded and ran onto the field, her ponytail bobbing. Did she really understand?

Off they went, a clump of kids chasing the ball. What a sight! Some kids were kicking dandelions, others were looking up at the sky. Tara was timid at first, following along with the crowd. Her friend Mallory is on the team; Mallory's dad is a coach. After the first few minutes, they had a quick break. I pulled her aside: Get to the ball! Kick it down the field! Chase it!

Then she got the idea. Little Tara Vika kicked that ball again and again! She ran after it, turned it around and kicked it toward the goal. She stuck her leg in the mix, again and again. Before long, I could hear others yelling her name. Two different moms asked, "Who is the little girl in the blue socks??" That's Tara, I said. "Has she played a lot of soccer?" One asked me. Why no, this is her first game ever, I said. They couldn't believe it.
She was in constant motion, zipping this way and that, sometimes actually making a difference in the game.
In the middle of the game, her coach looked at me and said, "She's fast!" Another coach told me: "Tara really gets it. She knows the game. She knows to turn and go the right way. Not a lot of kids get it like she does."

Alas, she didn't score any goals. And she did cry once, when she got kicked hard in the shin--just above the shin guard. The cold air made it sting. But she recovered quickly.

Just wait until next week...

See the light

It's warm and sunny and Tara and I are actually starting to crawl out of the sickness that darkened our doorway ALL week. We are both still suffering from colds and coughs, but hopefully past the multiple days of fever. I've been told that lots of kids in her school were out sick last week from a fever. Let's hope this is the last wave of illness before summer.

Today we are both still in our pajamas, hanging out and watching movies. Sure, that sounds fun, but it would be a lot more fun if we weren't sniffling, coughing and weak!

So I finally found a few minutes to read other families' blogs. It's so sad to see some have gone home childless, others have been spending weeks and weeks in Ukraine. What is going on?!? It's just so frustratingly sad.

I have just learned that a few days ago, Ukraine's president signed a law that prohibits singles from adopting in Ukraine, and also allows only 45 years between the age of the oldest parent and the child they are adopting. Message boards say some singles and older parents who are in Ukraine and met their children aren't getting court dates now because of the new law. This is tragic! Not only for the families (suffering an indescribable pain and sense of loss I'm sure), but the children who were bonding with these families and preparing to leave the orphanage for good. What happens to them now?? They will feel abandoned. Again.

Meanwhile, we have just passed our "Gotcha Day" with Tara. Three years ago I carried her out of an orphanage in Kiev. We only celebrate it silently now. Her transition and assimilation into our family is rather seemless these days. In other words, she has always been a part of our family.

Still down and out

Today we are both home sick. I caught the fever.
Tara's doctor checked her out this morning, it's apparently a virus and not strep throat or anything.
A little time and TLC and she'll be fine. Now how long will it take ME to get well, when I don't have time to be sick??

Down and Out

Little Tara Vika rarely gets sick, so when I saw her crumpled up on the floor in the hallway outside my bedroom door early this morning, I knew she was not over the virus that struck her late Saturday night.

Poor little thing, her cheeks were flush and damp from tears, her hair tangled and in her face. She was angry at me, as children blame their parents when the world isn't quite right.

Her forehead was hot. "I need medicine and you were taking too long!" she screamed at me. I scooped her (ahh, this must be why my back started hurting yesterday). We headed downstairs where I set her up on the couch with a blanket. I gave her some medicine. You will start to feel better in just a little while, I told her and kissed her head. It's nice that John works from home; I don't have to scramble to try to figure out my work situation.

Seeing her on the couch with a blanket, it reminded me of the days when I got to stay home sick. There's something so comforting about skipping school and lying on the couch all day. I should have bought some ginger ale, that's what my mom always gave us. But Tara likes to have popsicles when she is sick or injured.

When I was ready to leave, Tara seemed to be feeling better. She sat up a little straighter and managed a weak smile. Then asked: "How many popsicles can I have today?"

Remember when...

Three years ago today we were stuck in Ukraine, trying to figure out how to re-do our fingerprints with the FBI so that we could get a Visa and take Tara home to the good ol' USA. It's so hard to believe that it's been three years already since Tara's adoption. But then again, we can't imagine our lives without her.

If you want to visit or revisit this crazy day in our 2005 adoption story, you can click right here.

So this means I must file another annual report on how Tara is doing and send it along with 10 photos to the Ukraine Embassy in Chicago, and they are supposed to send it to the adoption center in Ukraine, and maybe even forward it to Tara's actual orphanage in Kyiv. I always wonder if the pictures ever reach her orphanage and whether her former caregivers get to see them. They would be amazed at her smile these days!

So this is a shout-out to my dear cousin Sally, who was with me in Ukraine three years ago this week. It was an adventurous, frustrating, exhausting time. But having Sally there made it so much better. Plus, she could speak English.

Tara is SO ready

Kindergarten, look out. Tara's pre-school teacher says Tara is "more than ready" for kindergarten in the fall.

We had a parent-teacher conference this morning and her teacher described Tara as: artistic, creative, always raising her hand with the answer (sometimes they tell her someone else needs a chance to answer), always excited to learn, willing to try new things, has learned to be "less sassy" than she was in the fall (my girl, sassy?), and is very well acquainted with letters and numbers.

There's more: Her classmates come to her to tie their shoes, she gives her teachers so much art work that they have some posted to the wall in the front of the room and throughout the bathroom (all with her signature of course). She has a lot of friends and she plays well on her own. "When she's doing artwork, she gets in a zone," her teacher said. "She's so creative!"

And the rest: Her language has improved, even in just the last few months where she'll say COMputer instead of puter. "I think if she slows down, she'll use the right words," her teacher said. She's apparently just so excited she blurts things out and sometimes you can't follow what she means. But she's learning...

OK, so I realized that her teacher did NOT know that Tara was adopted from Ukraine. I told her today that Russian was Tara's first language until she was two years old. This surprised her considerably. (the director knew, I assumed the teacher was told.)

So, she was evaluated exactly like her American peers. My baby. My big girl.

Kindergarten, look out.

Tara's teacher

Tara's teacher is going to tell me Tuesday about Tara's skills and readiness for kindergarten in the fall. I'm anxious to hear what she has to say about the little princess. She has been able to write her name, and mine, and John's, for more than a year. She can double-knot tie her shoes, sing the ABCs and we all know about her charm. Does charm get you into kindergarten?

Give me an "S"

OK, we did it. We signed Tara up on a soccer team. I'm officially a soccer mom, though I don't have a van. I know that the kids are just going to all run after the ball all over the field in a big clump, with no real offense or defense plan of action. But isn't it just hysterical to watch?!

We signed up in the YMCA league and they already gave Tara her red and blue reverseable jersey. She wears it after school. A lot. And the games or practices haven't even started yet. Add this to Austin's travel baseball schedule and we'll be pretty busy. But it's outdoors stuff and you can't beat that. If spring ever actually arrives.

In the quiet of the night

Tara is tucked in bed, at last. I took today off to get some things done, but in the afternoon after pre-school, we rode bikes through the puddles at the park, picked up some dinner at Boston Market, watched a movie, she took a shower, I read her a story, I rubbed her back in the dark. While she was in school, I took Austin to a matinee. We were the only two people in the show, but we still whispered.

I was going to say that I can't believe I haven't even had a few minutes this week to update this blog. But just the last few hours are pretty indicative of how the whole week has gone by. It seems like some activity filled every waking moment.

I told John last week when I was hiding Easter eggs in the pool table pockets in the family room, like I do every year, that holidays are very important in our lives, even if they seem repetitive. They are the landmarks of time, they help us remember. Where were you Feb. 5? Ok, where were you on Easter Sunday? Or Hannukah? See what I mean?

But then what about those days that aren't big celebrations but are just as important? And how can we make sure we remember them too?

In the quiet of the night, that's when I really catch my breath. We watch our favorite shows and snack on ice cream or fruit. John and I try to have private TV time, when the kids are asleep or at least pretending to be. It is then, at the end of the routine days, that I remember the things Tara did or Austin said. Or the way they make each other laugh so hard. Or cry. Or scream. But always laugh again. Nothing amazing about these last few days, really, just remembering the sounds of Tara squealing when she flew through a deep puddle on her bike, or screaming when she got stuck in the mud. I remember being alone with in the movie theater with Austin, chuckling in the dark, sipping his frozen Pepsi.

Aren't these the times that we want to remember most?

Tara questioning authority

The photo session last weekend was so much fun, you'd think Tara was a professional.

Here is one picture that we aren't getting copies of but I love. She had practiced raising one eyebrow in that "question authority" glare, and she used it quite well that day.

I'll post a few more when I get them back, along with a plug for the awesome photographer, Amy.

Happy Easter to all!

Famous Grandma

My Mom, "Grandma Jeanne," has been a loyal reader of this Ukraine adoption blog since the beginning, so I want to give her a shout-out today. She wrote an essay about how much she loves her city for a big marketing contest----and she won the grand prize! That's a whole bunch of gift certificates for things like a massage, dinner for two at three different restaurants, a carry-on bag, money to spend at the mall, season tickets to the symphony. The list goes on and on. All of this was presented to her by the mayor at a special breakfast. How cool is that?!!! Congratulations Mom (Grandma)! She'll be on the local cable TV sometime soon. We're all so proud of you, the way you went up to the microphone and said a few words after the mayor introduced you. You didn't even seem nervous at all. And you're so kind to say you'll share some of your prizes. OK, now about that massage...I can't believe my sister beat me to it!

Two words

Yes, two words: Crazy busy.

We've been running from morning until night lately, mostly with fun stuff but even that can wear you out.

It seems like the warmer it gets, the more plans we make. I think that even a hint of spring in the air has given us all springs in our steps. The days are longer, we are seeing sunshine, kids are playing at the park.

I took Tara to a professional photographer yesterday, we have never done that with her. It will be interesting to see how the pictures turn out. I will try to post one or two when we get them back. She smiled on cue every time. We were changing her outfits, putting her hair up, then down. She was a good sport. But then finally, after more than an hour (!) she declared: "OK, that's enough. Just two more pictures and we're done."

John took Tara to a cousin's 3-year-old birthday party on Saturday evening, I had to take Austin to a mandatory baseball practice. Tara went kicking and screaming, I had to buckle her into the seat in John's car. She wanted me to go, too. Five minutes down the road, she apparently stopped fussing. She had a fabulous time, John says, and wasn't afraid to talk to people. When her cousin was opening his gifts, Tara just sat right up front so she could watch. This is good, she needs to get out with John more and not be so dependent on me. But frankly, I don't always mind...

Tara-isms Part XXI

Tara and Austin were goofing around in the back seat of the car (he is 12) All I could see in the rear view mirror was arms flailing, fingers grabbing, a foot trying to kick a brother. Lots of laughs. And then Tara squealed, "Let go of my arm ankles!" (um, wrists? we call them wrists.)

Tara has more recently picked up some kind of southern-speak, even though she was born in Ukraine and we live in the midwest. She has been saying, "I was gonna about to..." (I cringe) When we lived in Atlanta, pre-Tara, people used to say, "I might could do that."
Now Tara stops herself and says, "I was gonna about to...GOOO-EEEENG TO." OK, catching on. But we can cut back on some of the vowels there. And the volume.

On a particularly cold Saturday when four people in the house can wear on each other's nerves, I finally scooped Tara up and took her to run some errands. Five minutes into the drive, she burst into tears. Apparently, Austin ate the little bag of crackers she had wanted, that she had left on the kitchen counter for four days. Yes, four days untouched. So he ate them. "I WANT A DIFFERENT BROTHER!" she belted out. It's not so easy sister, I told her. We're all stuck with each other. Thank goodness.

How does this happen

They don't know me and I don't know them but I'm trying to make sense of what has happened to an American family in Ukraine right now that had three bad referrals in a row of children mostly too sick or mentally ill to leave the orphanage. Their files did not come close to explaining their actual conditions. The family traveled across the country and back.

It is heartbreaking. They will be shown no more files. They were told it's illegal. Illegal? They were told that it must not have been God's will. There are 100,000 orphans in Ukraine and somehow there was not one child available for them to take home and raise as their own. Is that God's will? They were open to ages, gender, even siblings. This is simply devastating. They did everything exactly the same as the other families---the documents, the doctor's appointments, the home study, the updates.

Many families are arriving home in the U.S. with their new children, others are getting referrals, some are waiting to travel to Ukraine, their high hopes tangling with their fears.

And this family, emotionally drained and physically spent, was given such a raw deal that it's unimaginable how they must feel right now. But as they prepare to leave Ukraine, they are thinking not so much about themselves but of all the children waiting for families. And the one or two children that they could have taken in and raised as their own. They would have given them a good life.

Drew and Rita did all they could.

A lot of dreams were dashed today. Too numerous to count.

How many shots?

"I'm getting a shot in this leg," Tara proudly told us this morning. I didn't know how to break it to her that she would actually be getting more than one. Perhaps even three. Today was her exam that is required for kindergarten in the fall, which includes updates on immunizations.

In the office, the friendly doctor looked at Tara's file and then said in a sort of hushed tone, "She's five." Yes, yes, right, I said. She's five. She turned five in January. "I'm five!" Tara said.

The doc strained her smile and tried again, "No, I mean, she needs five..." OH! I said. OH! Right. OK. Um. C'mon Tara, hop up here on the table. The doc handed me five sheets of paper, each explaining the purpose and the risks of each of the immunizations. She needs another chicken pox shot? I asked. "Yes, a booster shot." The word booster sounds like they use a giant contraption and punch you with it. I never liked that word.

Tara was brave. Tara is always brave. The most painful one was the pinch in the back of her arm for the chicken pox shot. She clenched her teeth but didn't cry. She rarely cries at the doctor's. (Remember she laughed at the flu shot?)Then she got two shots in the front of each of her thighs. Boom boom boom boom. Like that. She was very still. She watched every part of it. "You are the bravest girl I have ever seen," the doctor said.

Tara sat up. I saw her little chin start to tremble. She was fighting it but she finally hit a breaking point with a very quiet whimper. I picked her up and hugged her, she hid her face in my neck, It's ok to cry honey, even big, strong grownups might cry from five shots, I told her. "Will I get 5 stickers for this?" she asked, one tear streaming down her cheek.

At the check-out desk, the sympathetic clerk let Tara pick out five stickers. Walking back to the car, Tara said, "I want to share these stickers with my friends at school." Today is a snow day, so we'll share those tomorrow, I told her.

So the doctor says Tara's height, weight, development, blood pressure, etc etc etc: "Perfect." The doctor used that word. Tara is ready for kindergarten. But we knew that, didn't we?

Hanging out

We're looking forward to the weekend so we can just hang out. Sure, we're not in Florida any more, but we can cherish our memories.

Back to reality

We're all in our places today. Our daily routine is back and I was surprised that the kids actually got up on time this morning without much fuss. This is not an easy task after sleeping in for nine straight days. We got out of the house with our lunches, my coffee mug, Tara's school bag. Austin made it to the bus stop on time. Life was good.

I was on automatic pilot driving to Tara's school when I bumped her chocolate milk right into her bag, covering her blanket with brown streaks. Don't trust the sippy cup tops. Ugh. We turned around and headed back home to get another cotton blanket, which I found jammed under some towels in the upstairs linen closet. At the pre-school she insisted that I put four little braids in her hair, pouting when I said I was in a hurry. The braids took 10 minutes. I have a hard time saying no to her, especially when I am dropping her off and the working mom guilt thing kicks in. Plus, I know I will miss her throughout the day, those silly things she says, the hugs for no reason.

Finally, I was driving to work, sipping my coffee, the radio blasting some 1980s tunes and suddenly, a car pulls up alongside me and the woman is waving for me to open my window. This is never a good sign. She is pointing at my back tire: "It's low," she shouted. OK< thanks, I said, closing my window and then gripping the steering wheel for four miles to the next exit. Now my knuckles hurt. I turned off the music as though I might hear a warning signal before a tire blows.

I pulled into a gas station at the air machine and hopped out of my car. Sure enough, the back tire was very low. Oh, 75 cents for air. I dug in the bottom of my purse for some change, amidst the fuzzy Skittles and Tara's chewed gum in a tissue, and plugged in the money and pumped some air into the tire. There was no gauge to check it, so I just pushed on it with my fingers, like you do with a bike tire. Good grief. I need to check it again before going home today.

So when I got to work a little bit late, I felt like I already used up a whole day. Anyone else ever feel like that?

Heading home

Tara and her friends. So long for now, beach. Hello winter, here we come.

Busy doing something close to nothing

It's so easy to fill a day as you go: Get up and stroll across the street for Crispy Creme donuts and a cup of coffee, read the paper and watch cartoons, stroll a block across the street to the beach.

Today we actually got in the car and drove to Lakeland to watch the Detroit Tigers practice during spring training. That was pretty cool. We managed to get a lot of autographs of the players. I gave Tara a ball and a pen and held her up to some of the players, who couldn't resist the blue eyes and smile of a five year old girl amidst a lot of middle age and older guys who are baseball memorabilia collectors. Catcher Vance Wilson asked Tara her name; she told him and he smiled and said, "what a cutie."

We get worn out after our long days of doing something close to nothing. And we only have one day left. We go home on Friday. Is the snow gone yet?

ahhh

Tara on the beach. Is it snowing somewhere?

A little R & R and some sunshine

This is it, we're heading south to spend a few days in the sunshine and ocean air. Tara has been so giddy all day, she has been driving us, well, crazy!

Sometimes she acts like our cat---she climbs in the suitcase while we're packing, she jumps on the bed when we're laying out what we're taking, she walks so close behind me talking all the while that she bumps into me when I stop, she hops up and down the hallway inside a pillowcase like she's in a potato sack race. Yes, this is all true. And bless her little heart, she clearly needs some outdoor playtime too!

Time to go, I'm still looking for my water shoes. I think they're somewhere under my boots and snow pants...

Tara-isms Part XX

We're sitting down to eat dinner last night and Tara says, "Oh no, not chicken again! It's so annoying!"

She still can't quite get the hours, days, weeks situation down. Last night we were picking out clothes for her to wear the next day, she said, "I'm going to wear that yesterday." I reminded her that yesterday already happened. "OK, I'm going to wear that in five days." You are? "Yes, for five minutes." Ok...

She told me that a boy in school named Nate is her boyfriend. We were watching "Hannah Montana" and a teen boy kissed a girl and Tara said: "You have to be married to kiss. Right Mommy?" Right! I said. :-)

Bathing suits and snow pants

Tara walked into the family room yesterday in her new blue one-piece bathing suit, sat down and watched TV. That's right, her bathing suit. In February. It is 12 degrees outside. The countdown to Florida has, apparently, begun.

Let no one get in the way of a 5-year-old anticipating the beach. We leave in a week for five sun-filled days in Florida. It might as well be this afternoon, as far as Tara is concerned.

I ordered the Beach Beauty to change into something warmer. Sometime in the afternoon, we went to the pharmacy to get a few things. Tara was dressed much more appropriately in her purple pants and matching hoodie sweatshirt. On the way to the store, she got a bit antsy. "I have an itch! I have an itch!" she yelled. Bundled up in a down coat, she couldn't quite get to the spot to scratch. "Hurry!" she said. "Hurry!!"

We pulled into the parking lot and I quickly opened the Drama Queen's door to help her out. She frantically pointed to a spot on her back as though she was covered in bugs. I pulled up her coat and her sweatshirt to reveal, what else, her bathing suit.

Why are you wearing this??! I asked. "Because I like the way it feels," she said. Indeed...

Tag I'm it

I have been "tagged" by my friend Susan, mother of Rachel from China, to reveal 7 things about myself, and then to tag other bloggers to do the same.

I'm not usually an Internet game player, but I can't say no. You don't want to make adoptive moms mad, we are a very tough group.

OK, so here is my Top 7 List of Previously Mostly Unknown Things About Me.

1: I usually forgive but I never forget (I'm not proud of this one.)

2: I'm decent in a lot of sports but I'm not great at any one in particular.

3: I'm a writer but I've always felt my sister was the better writer even though she did not study this in college. She's also better at sports (see number 2 above).

4: I can probably hold a conversation about anything for 10 minutes. This is a specific skill that journalists learn in school, I think. That, or the degree in liberal arts only goes so far.

5: I'm a Scorpio. But I guess most of my friends already know this (and see number 1.)

6: Family and friends mean everything to me. I could walk away from anything else--a job, a town, an expensive car. I would throw myself in front of a bus for my two kids. If I had to. Not that I want to.

7: I'm the youngest of five kids. My mom always told everyone that I was the baby of the family. When I'm around all of my siblings, I feel like I'm 14 years old.

I'm supposed to tag some fellow bloggers. I'll pick Greta and Wendy.
Enjoy!
Check out their blogs to see if they played. Leave them a message to let them know you visited.

"This is the one"

The journey was long, the skies were gray and the wind was cold. Inside, the scene of families crammed in the waiting room and government workers walking briskly through hallways was surreal. It was finally our turn and we sat down at the desk with wide eyes and big hopes. John and I opened the large binder and saw page after page of photos and descriptions of children who need families. Many of the pages had sticky notes attached to indicate various illnesses recently diagnosed.

Our facilitator was speaking to the psychologist in Russian and then told us that a little girl just became available a few days ago. We stared at her file. We saw a smiling 10-month old with a sweet face. She had just turned 2 and lived in a Kyiv orphanage. We could stay in the big city instead of having to travel 17 hours by train or 6 hours in treacherous car ride to some far-flung region. Her report said she was healthy. We stared at her some more. "This is the one," we said.

That was three years ago today.

Birthday, braces, baseball, kindergarten?

Indeed, it's been a busy week in our house.

Tara's birthday party on Sunday at the gymnastics center was awesome. We had the place all to ourselves. A teacher led the kids through obstacle courses that included a balance beam, stuff to crawl through, jump over, hop on, bounce on and roll down. One of the biggest hits was a big sponge pit with a giant rope ladder that went to the ceiling. The kids climbed, crawled, jumped, rolled. And the finale was a big rope swing like the kind they use on stage to make Peter Pan fly. One by one, each of Tara's friends took a turn flying around while the teacher pulled and dropped the rope. We parents hoped to get a turn, but I guess they ran out of time. Or strength. Hah.
I can't believe my baby Tara is 5.

And my other baby who is bigger, Austin, got braces on his teeth this morning. I sat and watched this rite of passage, the dentist's careful hand dabbing glue on each tooth while Austin held so still under the bright light. I squeezed his ankle a few times to let him know I was still there. Afterward, I walked into his school with him to sign him in late. The receptionist told me I didn't need to come in. I told her that yes, I really did.

Tonight he has indoor conditioning for his baseball team. He goes twice a week already. I don't know how some boys play on football teams and go five or six days a week.

And finally, tonight is Kindergarten Round-Up at the elementary school that Tara will start attending in the fall (!) It's for parents only. We'll register our little ones and meet the teachers and hear the shpiel about how they teach, what your kids should already know. We wonder if she will end up with the same awesome, nurturing teacher that Austin had 7 years ago.

And to think that today is only Tuesday...

Tara turns 5

Happy Birthday to our sweet little girl, Tara Vika. We can't believe our Ukrainian princess turns 5 on Sunday. This video was taken the night before her birthday.

Their three sons

A Knoxville couple brought home their three new sons from Ukraine this week and a TV crew greeted them at the airport. This is a must-see.
Check it out: Melissa and Steve.

Winter blahs?

We smile and joke about how we don't have enough time in the day to get everything done. Sometimes people ask us how we manage. We don't always take the time to think about it, probably for fear that things would fall apart. Just because we stop, it doesn't mean the clock stops, too.

If you are nodding your head, you might be a working mom.

I know all moms work because there is so much to do at home and with the kids. But then there are the moms with jobs outside the home too. There are a lot of us out there. We have an unofficial support group, though no one really has the time to meet.

But find comfort in this: We all know what you are going through. We all know that your house doesn't have to be perfect all the time, your kids don't always have to look like they stepped out of a magazine (especially when you gave up the battle over what they will wear that day.) We know that meals in the car and frantic stops for last-minute cupcakes for the class party are the norm. But it's ok: we're all sisters in this life and we support you.

I rarely do this and please don't call me Oprah but I'm recommending a book. It's called Take Time for your Life. I bought it a few years ago and it sits by my bedside so I can read a few chapters every once in a while. It tells you to slow down, pick your priorities, cut off people and things that suck your energy, take some time to do nothing but sit and think. It's not touch-feely, it's matter of fact. You will find some clarity in your life choices, your family will appreciate your calmer demeanor.

And sisters, this is what we need sometimes. Someone to tell you to take time for your life. Everyone wins.

The easy decision

I'm throwing money at the situation. That's right. I waited too long to really plan a birthday party for Tara, and I didn't want to do something at our house because I'm worn out from the holidays, so I scrambled around and found somewhere to host it. A gymnastics place. It feels like a brilliant idea: About 10 of Tara's adorable little energetic pals will get to do all of those fun rolling and jumping and climbing activities with a teacher for more than an hour in a kids gym. Afterward, the hungry and sweaty children will be served pizza then cake. If there's time, Tara will open gifts.

And all the while, I will stand by and enjoy the festivities. Right after I cut them a check.

The countdown

A handmade calendar is taped to Tara's closet door. It is only the month of January. Because in the mind of a 4-year-old, it's the only month that matters right now. In less than two weeks, little Tara Vika turns 5. Every night before she climbs into bed, she puts a pink heart sticker on the day. She can see that we are moving closer to Jan. 27. She is ready to burst with excitement.

Meanwhile, I don't have a thing planned. I don't want to host another adult/kids party at my house, and I'm not real keen on some of the popular kids party places like Chuck E. Cheese. Screaming kids, loud music, scary mascot. No thanks. There isn't enough Excedrin to handle that. So what's a mom to do. And what's a last-minute mom to do. I'm checking out a few places like our local athletic club. They host kids parties, but they probably cost a lot. Sigh.

When I was a kid, we had our siblings and maybe one friend come over and sing Happy Birthday with a cake. That was about it. I had just one party, in sixth grade, a sleepover and it was awesome, except when my sister dropped me on my head when my friends were all lifting me horizontally with their fingers in some kind of voo-doo seance thing.

But kids today...well, now I sound like my Mom and others in her generation. It just seems like we all created this crazy birthday buzz and now our kids are bursting with anticipation for their next party. OK Tara, this year's party is the last one. Riiiiight.

TGI Friday for whom?

We have rainy/snowy and overall gloomy weather here today and it's so hard to get excited about anything. So I browsed through some of the blogs of families who are in Ukraine right now and it reminded me that no matter how dreary our days might look, at least we're here in the good ol' USA where there's hot water, American TV and a language that we can recognize (most of the time.) And say what you want about the U.S. government, but you don't know the hassles and delays of bureaucracy until you've tried an international adoption.

And I hope my sister doesn't mind, but I'm quoting her comment from a previous blog when I wrote about waking Tara Vika up every morning, because it really says it all:

I pray for all the mothers and fathers out there: Stay with their adoption process, no matter how difficult and frustrating. Don't give up on a child who is waiting for you to gently wake them up. Don't give up on a child who is waiting to find their dream is real.

If you know Tara

...you have seen her dimple when she laughs.

...you know that she doesn't give up until she gets what she wants.

...you might have noticed that she talks. A lot.

...you may have noticed that sometimes she is very quiet, like when she is riding in the back seat on a rainy day, listening to the music and gazing out the window. You would always wonder what she is thinking. Or what she remembers.

...you know that she knows she is adopted, but she probably doesn't like when people talk about it extensively, in front of her, as though she doesn't know what they are saying.

...you have figured out that she wants to be like everyone else. And no one else.

Back in the groove

In the darkness this morning, I pushed open the bedroom door covered in Dora stickers and slinked over to the small bed to get a closer look at the little lump under the butterfly blanket. She was so snug. I leaned in to kiss her warm head, her messy morning hair in a swirl around her face. "Time to wake up sweetie pie," I whispered in Tara's ear.

She pulled the covers over her head and flipped over, her knees tucked in and her bottom straight up. I knew how she felt. Austin felt the same way. He was in the next room trying to slick his hair into place with water. Can it really be the day to go back to school and work after 11 glorious days off for the holidays?

It seemed like we had so much time to do a lot, or nothing at all. To visit family and friends, or stay home and get cozy on the couch. We didn't even always answer the phone (sorry). What a luxury.

Now I sit in my office, actually missing those little buggers. Co-workers come by with post-holiday cheers and the courteous questions about how vacations were spent. But we are all carrying the dark clouds over our heads: the holidays are over. Now it's time to get crackin' on 2008. But can't we pull the covers over our heads just one more time?

Here's to 2008

Three years ago in January, we received a letter in the mail that took three weeks to arrive, announcing our appointment at Ukraine's adoption center on Feb. 2. Our first reaction was, oh no, not in the dreadful winter. Actually I think John's very first reaction was, oh no, we're going to miss the Super Bowl.

I reassured him that we would be able to find a television somewhere in Kiev that had a satellite dish. And we did! But the game started at midnight Ukraine time, and that would mean walking home in the blistering cold down dark alleys from the Irish pub at 3 a.m. and our appointment with the orphanage inspector was the next morning. We ended up not watching the game...

Reading other blogs is like a trip down memory lane--glitches, delays and frustrating paper chases and all. It was a risk, and very difficult some days, and we almost turned back a few times, but for some reason we kept moving forward. So 2005 will be a year that we will never forget.

But we look forward to 2008 as Austin becomes a teenager (gasp) and little Tara Vika turns 5. She will start kindergarten in the fall. She continues to amaze us every day with the spark in her eyes, the things she says, the love she gives. Sometimes she is defiant, often she is determined, and always she is courageous.

May you all have a happy, healthy and adventurous 2008!

Happy Christmas to all

An interview with Tara:
What do you like about Christmas: "Getting pictures with Austin. I like my gymnastic Barbies."

Who do you like to see on Christmas. "Santa. And Grandma. And the whole room of people that I know."

Why do you like your picture taken? "I like to look pretty in a picture. And that's it. I don't want to say anything more."

Holiday happenings

Shopping, wrapping, cleaning, preparing. Trying to take a few moments here and there to absorb it all, to really feel the Christmas spirit. It's hard to imagine it is only a few days away.

This picture was taken at Tara's ballet class last week when they could wear any costumes they wanted. Most of the girls showed up as princesses.

Yesterday Tara was whining about something when John said to her: You sound like a little baby. She replied, defiantly: "I'm NOT a baby, I'm a sweetie pie." Indeed.

The gift of time

The television was off and I was in the family room folding laundry last week, a magazine perched on the couch next to me. After a few minutes, I noticed something peculiar: Silence. No one was asking me for something, or fighting over the TV, or telling me they were hungry.

I listened again. Nothing. Concerned, I went upstairs and found every one in their rooms (John in his office) and they were all busy with their own activities. I slipped back down to the family room, unnoticed. Without even realizing it, my family had given me the gift of time. Peaceful moments, and I wasn't even stealing them.

As Tara gets older, I notice that I'm getting little pockets of time when I least expect it. And it's simply lovely. She will be 5 years old next month and has definite interests. This does not mean she has stopped following me around when I'm cleaning until I spin around and bump into her by accident. In fact, last weekend I was trying to squeeze in a 10-minute power nap and she came in my room with her automatic keyboard and announced that she was going to play my favorite song for me while I "rested." It was kind of loud...

However, I remain optimistic that these pockets of time will continue to increase and some day I will wish I saw her little face waiting for me as soon as I exit the bathroom door. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the occasional gift of time.

Say what? Part XIII

So we're driving to school today and Tara blurts out: "It's hell!" Startled, I asked her to repeat. She said it again. It's always funny when kids repeat stuff they hear, but this sounded bizarre coming from her. I asked her to say it again. She says, "Everybody's going to hell."

OK this freaked me out, I was thinking about those scary movies when the kids are possessed. Then she points: "Right there, another hell. We're going downhell." OH! I say, "HILL." Yes, hell, she says. Whew. We can stop blessing ourselves now.

We went to get our flu shots recently. Austin was disappointed that they didn't have FluMist, the painless nasal spray. I got my shot first, then Austin as Tara watched each time. And finally, Tara pulled up her sleeve and that tiny, pale arm was showing. "OK," said the nurse, "this might just sting a little bit." Tara was watching so closely that her nose was almost jabbed by the long needle. Austin and I both gulped when we saw it pierce Tara's flesh. But there were no tears. Instead, Tara giggled. "That tickles," she said.

The nurse was rather surprised: "That's the first time I've ever heard that! I'm going to go home and tell my husband about her. He whines about getting shots." Yes, my sister insists that Tara is going to be a doctor someday. Anyone need more proof?

We went to the dentist this morning to get our teeth clean. Tara was on one end of the room, I was on the other. We couldn't see each other and I was a bit worried about her. The hygenist said she did a great job of opening her mouth and sitting still.

She asked Tara if she liked going to the dentist or the doctor better. Tara replied: "The doctor!" In the car afterward, I asked Tara if the hygenist asked whether she flosses every day, which she doesn't. "Yes, she did ask," Tara said. And what did you tell her? I asked, reluctantly. "I told her yes!" Good girl.

Santa's list

Some friends and family are asking me what the kids want for Christmas. This always feels a little weird to me, to tell people exactly what to buy for our kids. I know it makes things much easier for the well-meaning buyers, but it still feels like it's a bit removed from the true meaning of the holidays.

OK, so now I'll admit that it's pretty fun to send my brother off into the Barbie aisle at Toys R Us, or my brother-in-law in search of pricey X-box games in crowded electronics stores. Time to go work on those lists...

It's beginning to look a lot like ...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a pile of broken lights
Wrinkled bows and snowflake tights
We never are quite ready for the snow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the lists will show
Lots of toys and expensive stuff
But it's never really enough
They must want me to spend all of our dough.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
My gas tank is running low
I even tried to shop online
But that took even more time
Can't we just donate to charity and let it go?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you look
The cat chewed on the holiday wrap
The kids used the cardboard roll as a bat
And now those paper balls fill my kitchen nook.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Time to to hug your mate
Just buy the children some simple things
Don't jump up every time the phone rings
Because soon enough it'll be 2008.

Happy holidays to all
Play more, stress less.

Flashlight!

So Tara and I pulled into the Target store parking lot the other night to buy some new snow pants and she began to scream, hysterically. Oh my gosh, what's wrong? I slammed on the breaks in the parking spot.

"I forgot the soundcan at school! I needed to bring it home! WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Tears were streaming down her cheek. I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. Soundcan? What is that? Did you just remember this right now? "YEEESSS! It's all DADDY'S FAULT!" she wailed. John had picked her up from school a few hours earlier. She was so upset she was shaking. This wasn't her typical cry.

Do you put stuff in it to shake and make a sound? I asked. "NOOO!!" After many questions that frustrated her more,I finally figured out that the kids are taking turns bringing home a can and they are supposed to put things in it that start with a particular letter, a sound. For Tara, it was the letter N.

I told her not to worry, that we will arrive before the teachers and fill the sound can and they won't even realize we didn't take it home. This calmed her down (though I think she still sought out John and yelled at him when we got home, to which he replied, "A soundcan??")

So that night we hunted for some items that start with an N. N-n-n Napkin, n-n-nail polish, nickels. I think it's a pretty cool school project, teaching the pre-schoolers to sound out letters in words. Then Tara excitedly proclaimed: "I know! N- N- N- flashlight!"

We have been retelling this one at dinnertime, it still makes us laugh. N N N flashlight!

Tara's World

In Tara's drawings, there are rainbows and sunshine, her and her brother, her mom and dad, her cat and sometimes the dog she never met. There is a house and grass and some flowers. There are a few clouds next to the sun, with a few rain drops falling.

She draws the nearly identical picture over and over again. Sometimes she staples them together and calls it her book. These are all over the house, they are slid under our bedroom door on weekend mornings. Sometimes she tells me to take one with me, when she is being left behind. Sometimes she asks me to draw her a picture, and then dicates its familiar subjects: A rainbow, first red then orange, then yellow...right down to the last color. She shows me where I go wrong when I improvise with the colors.

She does other drawings and has big explanations for each line, each person, each square cut out. A few times, her art came back from school and it was all black finger paint blurred together like a scary night. I asked if she had a bad day or a nightmare. She said she didn't and that she just felt like painting something all black. But always, she goes back to drawing rainbows and her family under them.

I suppose a child psychologist could have a field day with this. Me, I just smile and hug her every time she hands me one.

Much to be thankful for...

The tables were set, the candles lit, the turkey nearly finished when our guests arrived for Thanksgiving. Timing is the key when you have so many side dishes, coffee and dessert. I told my brother that one year, after all of our family had left, I found a side dish of green beans in the microwave. We had a good laugh over that.

This year, after everyone left, I opened the refrigerator and realized I had forgotten to prepare the ham I bought for dinner. Good thing there was enough turkey to go around...!

So this is the time of year we stop and think about what we are all thankful for. Close family, good friends, our children, however they arrived here. And now is also the time to think about the children that are less fortunate. For me, that's all of the orphans we left behind in Ukraine. It's so hard to imagine the children that Tara spent her first years with may still be living in that same orphanage, waiting and hoping for a family to come and get them. And as they get older, even 5 or 6 years old, their chances of adoption become remarkably less.

So for anyone in a mood to improve the lives of a child without a family, I'm providing this link to an organization called Life 2 Orphans. They help the children of Ukraine. There is a list of orphanages that they specifically help. There is one in Kyiv for ages 7-16, which may have been the one that Tara would have ended up in if she was on the typical path of orphans. After 16, the children are set out to make it on their own. If you know a 16 year old, just try to imagine that!

Here is the link to Life 2 Orphans. You can choose an orphanage to help and send actual items, or make a monetary donation, or purchase something in a fundraiser. If it's something you feel the need to do this holiday season, please remember Tara's native land and the little people who are in such need. With her generous soul, I know that she would appreciate it.

Holidays on the horizon

We are getting ready to host our family on Thursday and no one is more excited than Tara. She wanted to set the table yesterday.

Before we get caught up in the crazy Christmas rush, it really is a good time to think about what we're thankful for. I have a lot of things, mostly people. And here is one of them...

Shake shake shake

We are all being slammed with advertisements on TV and huge catalogs with awesome toys and beautiful people in must-have outfits. And Thanksgiving isn't until next week, here in America.

I started to feel a tad anxious last week and went online to buy some toys for Tara, some gadgets for Austin. I looked for good deals, the best toys possible, the hard-to-find items that are already getting all the hype.

But just as I was about to check out and pay all of this money, I stopped. And I thought about it. And I deleted the file. It is so easy to get caught up in the fray. I really hope we can all be reasonable about our holiday purchases. We say this every year, but we still run around like crazy people trying to get just the right gifts, spend just the right amount of money.

The teachers, the hair stylists, the lawn guys, can't forget any of them.

And apparently it's never too soon. Tara's preschool sent home a note this week about holiday giving. Actually, it was the parent group that sent it, but it was obviously endorsed by the school because the office assistant is in charge.

Parents are "asked" to drop off $25 cash that will be collected and evenly distributed in gift cards to every single person on the staff. OK, that makes it easier, and we really like this school, but I can't help feeling a little like someone turned me upside down by my ankles and is shaking the money out of my pockets. And it isn't even December yet.