May 06, 2007
Babies in tummies
Tara's pre-school teacher pulled me aside Friday afternoon and said, "Can I ask you a question?"
Sure, I said, smiling.
"Is Tara adopted?"
Yes, she is, from Ukraine, I told her. I explained that I was going to share this at the parent-teacher conference in a few weeks. But I knew where she was going with this inquiry.
Just for the past week, Tara had been talking at school about having two mommies but now just one. Her teacher and friends didn't know what to make of it.
Her teacher is very pregnant--due in June--and they are talking about babies in tummies. Tara had recently asked me about it. She already knew that she did not come from my tummy, but she was trying to make sense of it.
I told her she grew in another lady's tummy but she couldn't take care of her and now I'm her mommy forever. "Why couldn't she take care of me?" she asked. (Boy, this is hard). During one drive to pre-school, she tried to explain things back to me and that story included her "first mommy" dying, which was kind of freaky but I said I don't know if that's true. I think she is filling in some of the gaps to help herself understand why someone wouldn't keep her.
So her teacher went on to say she is completely shocked by the news because "Tara looks like you! She acts like you! I would never have guessed it." I told her it's pretty crazy but she looks like her big brother, too. Her teacher said Tara is very well adjusted, that she keeps up with all of the other kids, and, as a matter of fact, she is ahead of some of the children who are going to kindergarten in the fall. Tara starts kindergarten in the fall of '08.
I wanted to see how she would be evaluated on the same playing field with her American peers. So leave it to Tara to spill her own news before the parent-teacher conference!
After this conversation on Friday, I kneeled down and gently asked Tara: How many mommies do you have? "One!" she shouted back. "You!" Then she hugged me.
She fits right in with our family. I told her teacher that I don't tell everyone anymore. Now, it's Tara's news to tell.
Posted to Tara's Story
Regarding the previous entry: I looked for Sandy for years! As of today, Sandy has been missing for 37 years this June. And Sandy was a boy.
Glad to hear Tara is making sense of her world. She's a smart kid and all roads are open for her.
I saw a great book on Adopted Kids making sense of all this in Falling Water on Main Street, they really do try to fill in all the blanks to their stories to make it all fit together. Sounds like Tara's already doing that in her own bright little way.
sally
My daughter is from China and my husband and I are Caucasian, so it'll always be quite clear she's adopted. But it's interesting to see how kids process this info. A couple weeks ago two 7-year-old neighbor girls were visiting and asked to see some pictures of China. I came across the photos of Rachel's first days with us, and I was saying things like, "oh, look at the outfit she was wearing when we got her," when one of the girls grew very perplexed. She said, "Wait a minute -- didn't she grow in your tummy?" I thought it was kind of funny because she knew we had been to China . . . and brought home a 10-month-old child . . . who is Chinese. I guess she thought I gave birth while on vacation, and Rachel looks Chinese because she was born there. Or maybe she looks at the baby and doesn't see someone who looks "different" from her parents but just a new kid in the neighborhood who's fun to play with. That's kind of nice, actually.
Posted by: Susan Keaton at May 8, 2007 06:27 PM