Ukraine Adoption

Our story

Thank you for all of your comments and encouragement about this blog. I will take it all into consideration!

It's been a while

On April 8, Easter Sunday, we will also celebrate the two-year anniversary of Tara's rescue from her Ukraine orphanage. Adoptive families call it the Gotcha Day. We're so thankful that we have Tara in our lives. Two years is a long time, and I will contemplate whether to keep this blog going after that. I'm not sure if interest remains on watching Tara grow up. At some point, I will stop. Maybe soon?

Lofty ambitions

We should never stop our daughters from trying to reach for the sky. Opportunities are endless in these United States. Unless of course they are climbing a tree. And they are only 4 years old.

Tara is a climber, a runner, a dancer, a gymnast. On a beautiful spring day Sunday, she decided to climb a tree in our back yard. I was sitting nearby in a chair, relaxing. Up and up she went, and I sprinted over to her when I realized she was actually going pretty high; I could no longer reach her purple Weebok shoes even when I stood on my tippy toes.

Um, Tara, come on down, honey. You are going too high, I said.
"Noooo," she replied, grinning, her feet moving a little uncertain now. No surprise. She is always being told that she can do anything in this world. She is told this by me.

I was squinting in the sun, looking upward at my pre-schooler, trying to convince her that it was time to make her descent. But she was only interested in climbing higher. I thought: Do I dash in the house and bellow up the stairs for John to come out and help? He is tall. Everyone says so. But what if she falls in the meantime and I'm not even there?

So I did what any mother would do: I bribed her. C'mon down and you can have a popsicle, I said sweetly. "OK," she said. But her positioning was messed up, she had one foot on top of the other, she couldn't figure out how to turn around and untangle herself. She started looking a little worried, I reached up farther than I thought I could under her bottom and just as I did this she slipped, right into my hands. I lowered her down through the branches. She managed to escape with a little scratch on her thigh.

"Where's my popsicle?" she said. She did not thank me. She didn't have to. It's what we do.

Crazy busy

Birthday parties, dentist appointments, swimming classes, baseball practice. Our house is a whirlwind of spring activities. And I notice that beautiful bright sunshine really shows off the winter dust. So I'm trying to do some deep cleaning but I'd much rather find excuses to be outside. Hey, is that the Christmas tree where a pile of snow used to be? I better go outside and drag it to the curb. The dust can wait...

One more update

The Ukraine government has also decided to limit the number of adopting families every year, by country.

The US Embassy says Ukraine has decided that 558 dossier submissions have been allocated to parents from the U.S. for calendar year 2007. The U.S. remains on top of the list of foreign countries adopting from Ukraine, followed by Italy (494 dossiers) and Spain (380 dossiers). But when we adopted in 2005, there were more than 800 adoptions from the U.S.

And, the US Embassy has just sent notice to clarify the new bill in the Ukraine Parliament that awaits the President's signature. The 45 year age maximum between the orphaned child and the parents applies to both parents. This means if the oldest parent is 55, the youngest child they can adopt is 10. SIGH.

More limits, more people will bail out, more orphans without a future.

Single parents unwelcome in Ukraine

Ukraine's Parliament passed a bill that awaits the president's signature that makes these unfortunate changes to their adoption laws:

-The maximum age difference between adoptive parents and adopted children cannot exceed 45 years;
- Unmarried foreign citizens cannot adopt Ukrainian children.

This is very disappointing news for the many single people who went through all the rigorous requirements, including medical appointments, homestudies, fingerprinting, etc. They have been waiting a long time for their appointments in Ukraine, just like the married couples.

Basically the Ukraine government is saying that it's better to keep children in orphanages until they max out at 16 and are put on the streets, than to allow single parents to give them a wonderful life of opportunities in the U.S. and other countries. It's a sad day for these parents but it's even worse for the children, especially the older orphans who will miss out on perhaps their only chance to have a healthy and happy life with a loving family.

As for the maximum age limit, it is unclear if this applies only to the younger parent or to both parents. Facilitators in Ukraine have different opinions on how to interpret this. Nonetheless, one more thing to push people away from adopting in Ukraine. Word is that 100,000 children live in Ukraine orphanages.

It's a sad turn of events, indeed.

Sparkle shoes and Mondays

Tara had to have these pink sparkle shoes. Everything is sparkly in a little girl's world, her nail polish, her lipstick, her jeans. I finally bought them for her on Saturday and she has hardly taken them off ever since. Her friend has these same shoes so Tara was very excited for Monday to come so she could wear them to pre-school and show her friend. On Sunday, she was mad at me that I couldn't turn the day into Monday. Meanwhile, the rest of us in the house were dreading Monday, like most people. The weekend flies by way too fast. On Sunday night, I still had laundry to do, some vacuuming, Austin had a school project that he had to rush to finish, John was extra busy with work because of some system crashes.

This morning, we were all grumpy. It is cold, and dark, and ohmygosh snowing again. But Tara, bless her little heart, woke up and put on those little pink sparkle shoes. That's all that matters. They are like magic to her. I think everyone needs a pair.

Tara Dactyl

Tara still tends to act up at dinnertime, sometimes John can't take it and eats in the other room. Usually there's just a lot of fussing going on and sometimes Tara ends up in timeout. She will be too silly and try to get Austin's attention, sticking her tongue out or making faces or throwing something or she'll keep kicking John and he'll keep saying stop it, and she'll laugh, but it drives him crazy and in the meantime no food is going into her mouth. So I'm leaning across the table to try to get her to eat something and I would sit closer to her but John and Austin are stubborn and won't switch seats with me.

Pterodactyl

Tuesdays with Grandma

In the morning, Tara wakes up quickly, closes her door for "privatsy" and gets dressed from head to toe all by herself. She opens the door and makes her grand entrance into the day: pink hat, beaded purse and all.

Tara has been spending Tuesdays with Grandma because her new pre-school has room for her every day but Tuesdays. She gets so excited about going to Grandma's house. I know it's a long day for both of them, but they manage. Tara wheels in her suitcase filled with toys; Grandma has snacks at the ready. I can see their relationship is growing.

Today they played with bubbles outside, colored with crayons and stickers, bounced on stuffed animals (well Tara did), played with dolls and rested on the couch. I wish I could spend Tuesdays with Grandma!

Tara meets Sasha

At last, the Ukrainian princesses have met.

We drove to my friend Greta's house today to meet Sasha, the sweet 7-year-old girl she just adopted from Ukraine about two weeks ago. We know that families need time to bond, but we couldn't wait any longer. Greta and Dave were kind enough to let us visit.

Sasha is a doll. She has the sweetest face, the loveliest green, mischievous eyes, and a cute laugh. She acted very shy when we arrived, which of course prompted Tara to hide behind my legs too. But she dashed by in the hallway, watching us look around her new room. She peeked around the corner and giggled. Finally she came out to play.

She showed us the small book of pictures she brought with her from Ukraine, with snapshots of her new family tucked in throughout. Sasha and Tara put on fake nails and played with the dress up kit we brought for her. She said some things in English, like thank you and yes and America and home. (There are more pictures of them in the photo set on the left)

She is clearly attached to her new family, hanging on Greta like a little monkey. I couldn't help but think about what her life was like in an orphanage, and how she is so loved and cherished now.

I smiled all the way home.

Tara-isms Part IX

Tara is picking all kinds of new things to say from her new school and her family and friends.

--Yesterday we were telling Austin about how Tara fell down on the sidewalk when we were leaving her pre-school and she hurt her hand. She cried real hard. I had anti-bacterial lotion and a band-aid in my purse and patched her up. "Mommy saved the day!" Tara told her brother.

--This morning Austin reached for something in the pantry and gave it to Tara. "Thank you Austin, that was very kind," she said.

--I asked Tara today if she still has her nail polish on. She said, yes, though it was coming off on one finger "but that's OK, Mommy, nobody cares."

--We were talking about ages and Tara said: "I'm four and a half and then I'm going to be 13." Indeed...

Crazy lazy Sundays

There's that old saying, So much to do and so little time? Well, I have the time on the weekends, but what if I don't feel like doing any of it?

For real, there's laundry, cleaning, organizing, changing sheets. All of it. But it's not fun. And deep down I must still be 8 years old because I only want to do stuff that's fun. Is this so wrong?

I'd much rather hang out and be silly with my kids. But even then, sometimes enough is enough and I'm liking the cat's idea of finding a spot in the sunshine somewhere in the house.

So I have a few spots in the house where I can hide with a cup of coffee, a People magazine and/or the telephone to talk to my gal pals. No, not the bathroom. But after a few choruses of "MOM WHERE ARE YOUs," I'm usually discovered. I have even tried the basement way in the back, near the litter box. But the sounds of little feet (or big husband feet) tromping down the stairs are inevitable.

I guess I'm not a much better hider than Tara, who runs to her spot when I'm still standing right there, my eyes not yet covered. She crouches down and giggles with anticipation of being found. At least I give her the benefit of some alone time and pretend I don't see her for a few minutes!

When I slip off to exercise, I must be turning on my magnetic force because, before long, both kids and the cat are climbing on me. Same thing when I try to change my clothes, take a shower, make dinner or use the computer.

I can't find anyone when I'm cleaning, though. I should probably get back to that. Or not.

TGI Friday

When I picked Tara up from her new pre-school, Stony Creek, yesterday, she was not ready to leave. She was still busy playing and exploring. Her teacher told me Tara had a good day, and was smiling most of the time. Tara would not tell me many details of her day when I got there. She said, "I will tell you when we get home." So I had to wait. And when we got home, I asked her about her day, she said, "I will tell you at dinner time."

Such a build up! Even then, she was waiting for everyone to sit down to eat before she would enlighten us with her day's events, which included sharing her napkin with her friend Natalia at lunchtime, that they didn't go outside because it was "raining and snowing and thundering," and her new teacher was "nice." "Is that it??" John asked.
She got mad, "Don't say that Daddy!"
These details of a little girl's life are very important.

Meanwhile, Greta and her new daughter Sasha, are on a plane ride of a lifetime: They are returning home today from Ukraine. Welcome home, Greta, and welcome to our newest U.S. citizen!

New school

We walked along the path to the door of Tara's new pre-school this morning, my arms filled with extra clothes and a blanket for rest time, Tara filled with excitement. Her new teacher greated us with a smile and showed us Tara's new cubby and where she will keep her blanket and blue dolphin.

Tara peeked around the corner and saw two of her friends from her former pre-school already there, nestled on the big colorful rug, waiting for their lesson on how much things weigh. I bent over to touch her friend Natalia's hair and give her a reassuring smile. She was sitting very still.

Tara was anxious to join the new class, her new and old friends, so I whispered that it was OK to go and sit down. She walked right over to Natalia and sat beside her, crossing her legs and smiling.

We were sad to leave the former pre-school yesterday, her last day, but I think Tara will adjust fine in her new surroundings.

Adjustment is harder for parents, and I wanted to make sure she was OK when I left. I stood there with my coat on, behind her teacher, trying to get Tara's attenion. She saw me and smiled and gave me a tiny wave. The class was counting little pebbles for their lesson on how much things weigh. These weigh the same amount as this block! her teacher said.

As I finally turned to walk out, I could hear Tara's voice among her friends, counting the pebbles out loud.